Chapter 42

You know what's the most beautiful thing in this world? Read the first word again.

الطيبون للطيبات والخبيثون للخبيثات 'just saying'

This chapter is dedicated to everyone who's reading this;*

Enjoy chapter 42!
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March 2014...


Nobody got into my life except 7mad.
Nobody filled me with happiness except 7mad.

I had extreme regret of what i've done in the past..
They say that the past is the past, but do you think someone with these sins can get over it?


A lot happened in March 2014...

And especially that day which made me regret everything i've done to a person who had some feelings towards me..


3balkum 7mad 9a7?


But no.
It is not 7mad.


I came back from school as usual and did my every day routine..

I sat in the living room which i saw my dad just entered the house..

I kissed his forehead and starting checking twitter..


Dad: "Rawan" he called me
Rawan: "Hala yuba"
Dad: "Naday khwanich w t3aly shway"
Rawan: "Enshallah"

Rawan: "Khaloud a7mad emshaw baba yabena"
Khaled: "Laish"
Rawan: "Shdrani emsh khanshouf"

We went to his room waiting for him  to speak..

Dad: "Meshari weld baba 3li twafa"

It felt strange
I couldn't believe it


is this a dream?


I froze in my place recalling what my father said

Khaled: "Shloun!"
Dad: "7adeth"

I wanted to cry, but i held myself infront of my parents

Rawan: "Allah yr7ma"

I took my phone and went to the bathroom..
I started crying hysterically..

I wanted him just for one moment
I just want to say i'm sorry for what have i done to him

I barely unlocked my phone and whatsapp-ed 7mood (his elder brother)

Rawan: 7mood!
7mood: Hala
Rawan: Wain meshari!
7mood: 36ach 3umra

I cried even more
I couldn't accept the fact that he's dead

Rawan: La tchathb yallah 3ad waina
7mood: Rawan
Rawan: Hala
7mood: Abi meshari rawan m7taja
Rawan: Eeh waina
7mood: Blthlaja
Rawan: Lool sheswy blthlaja you3an?

I wiped my tears and starting laughing..
Ely yshoufni ygoul w7da sakrana, it was just unbelievable..

7mood: Ed3ela m7taj eldu3aa ohwa

He brought me back to reality..
I really wanted Meshari at this moment..
But its too late now..

Dad: "Rawan 6l3ay mn el7mam mu zain tabchen dakhil"

I unlocked the bathroom door..

Rawan: "Baba shloun mat"
Dad: "D3mta syara whwa blshalaih"
Rawan: "Ohwa shaku ray7 shalaih" i cried a river


Will my father think wrong?

Ena maybe i used to have some feelings towards meshari?


Dad: "Ma3laih rawan bas ed3ela"
Rawan: "Baba mabi adawim bacher barou7 elmagbra"
Dad: "May9er drastich rou7ay el3za lma terj3en mn elmdrsa"
Rawan: "Mabi abi arou7 elmagbra allah ykhlek baba" i hugged him

I really needed a hug..
Someone to calm me down..

I wasn't crying because i loved him..
I was crying because i'm regretful, of how i treated him..
And with a blink of an eye he is gone..


-


I woke up early next morning, or should i say i couldn't sleep well?

Rawan: "Mama ma3endi 3baya"
Mom: "Shloun ma3endich"
Rawan: "Wallah ma3endi"
Mom: "May9er trou7en bdoun 3baya"
Rawan: "Laish 7ram?"
Mom: "La bas e7tram ya3ni"
Rawan: "Enzain ma3endi shswy"
Mom: "La trou7en elmgbra m3a obouch 3yl"
Rawan: "Ohwa waina baba?"
Mom: "Ra7 ywade khwanich elmdrsa wbye byakhthch w 3la 6oul by6la3"
Rawan: "Enzain shalbs al7en"
Mom: "Mu lazm trou7en rawan"
Rawan: "Mabi barou7" i had tears..
Mom: "Madre dgay 3la obouch shoufeh"

I called him..

Rawan: "Aloo baba ma3endi 3baya 3adi lou lbast ban6roun aswad w bloza soda?"
Dad: "Klish wla 3baya 3endich?"
Rawan: "Ma3endi wallah"
Dad: "Yallah ok ma3laih lbsay ay shay aswad tra ana yay bser3a rawoon okay?"
Rawan: "Enshallah"

I wore my clothes and sat reading quran..


I've never had someone that close to pass away, so i've never thought of the pain others have.
I realized that life is nothing but an experience.

I miss meshari & I just want to see his face one more time, to have it pictured in my mind.


Incoming call, Baba

Rawan: "Aloo?"
Dad: "Yallah rawan ana barra"
Rawan: "Okay"

I hung up and told my mom that i'm going with my father..


Rawan: "Salam" i kissed his forehead
Dad: "3laikum elsalam"

And off to magbra we go..

My heart started beating fast when we got closer..

Dad: "Mashallah"
Rawan: "Shnu"
Dad: "Shoufay shkither nas yayela mashallah"

I smiled as tears approached my cheeks


Laitek tshouf sa3adat elmanthar ya meshari..
Elnas kilha yaya tad3elik..


Dad: "Yallah rawan basich bachi 7bebti wnzlay"

I wiped my tears, held my fathers hand, and went to where the crowd was..


Kl elnas kanat tabche..
Elkil kan ga3d yad3e..
Awal mara b7yate ashouf hal manthar..

Rawan: "Baba dfnouh?"
Dad: "La ga3d dakhel ga3d y'3slouna ana badsh ashoufa btyen?"
Rawan: "Eeeh!"
Dad: "Yallah emshay"

I started thinking as i walked..
I can hear their screams from inside..

Rawan: "Baba mabi"
Dad: "A7sanlich adre mara7 tst7mlain khla9 ougfay mni"


7mood caught my attention..
He wasn't the 7mood i know..

He was crying and crying and crying

I walked slowly towards him..

Rawan: "Allah yer7ma" i cried with him
7mood: "Abeeh rawan" he cried like a baby

Meshari was his friend, his brother, his everything..

Rawan: "Klna ra7 namshi bhal 6reej"
7mood: *crying*
Rawan: "Goum m3ay"
7mood: "Wain"
Rawan: "Emsh '3asel wayhik"
7mood: "Maly khilg b3dain" he wiped his tears
Rawan: "Emsh 7mood"

He got up and went to wash his face..
It was like he was my baby and i was his mother-.-
But don't blame him..
His life is gone..

7mood: "Ka chthe zain"
Rawan: "Eeh" i half smiled
7mood: "B3dain enty laish mu blmdrsa?"
Rawan: "Ma kan ley mzaj adawim"
7mood: "3shan meshari?"

I nodded

Rawan: "Ohwa waina"
7mood: "Y'3slouna"
Rawan: "Wenta laish ma re7t m3ahum"
7mood: "6ale3ouni"
Rawan: "Haw laish"

He didn't respond

Rawan: "7mood"

He lifted his head to look at me

Rawan: "Meshari ensan 6ayeb la tnsah bldu3aa"
7mood: "Ra7 ashtagla rawoon" he started crying again..
Rawan: "Bas 7mood emsh al7en akeed yadfnona"
7mood: "Mabi ashoufhum yadfnona"
Rawan: "Okhouk hatha"

He kept quiet.

Rawan: "Emsh ana m3ak"

I held his hand and walked with him to where the crowd was..


There he is..
They are putting the sand all over him..

7mood lost control..
He cried his heart out..

I cried, his dad cried, his mother cried, everyone cried..
Like it's the end.

الى جنات الخلد...

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Hey, i just wanted to say ena please ed3oula.
Once a day? Please.

jad madre shloun gdart aktib hal post..
thankyou to whoever been with me through this..

Tra nhayat kl ensan trab..
Do what you must do for God in this world..

L7ad yshel ham 3la a7ad, be togther forever..

Wely ythaygik? Sam7a..
Tra eldnya tsamu7..

-thanks.